my home is in empty spaces.

I now have enough time on hand to not budget some for cutting nails anymore.

Today I spoke with SL, whom I have not talked with for 2 years. She had smsed me a few days ago to ask how I was, and we'd conversed a little before continuing the conversation by email, and then by phone, over these few days. She is probably one of the few I know who still regards my first ex as someone worth deeply caring for.

And from her, I learnt that his father had passed away about 2 years ago, from a heart attack.

I am sorry to hear of his death, and for your loss. I remember that you had loved him very dearly. And, remembering who you once were, at last I forgive you. I no longer wish that you were dead. But I will continue to behave and live as if you were, for you are now in all respects fully dead to me. (Ah, the irony.)

SL's words made me realise that I have forgiven you, and once and for all will never -absolutely- -require- your response to live my life. If you had not been what you were, nor done what you did, and I the same, I would never have met the people I have met, nor loved them, and they are part of my life as well. I will not do a comparison of who is greater and lesser, for such comparisons are useless, like those of apples and oranges.

SL herself has matured from when we (SL and I) last spoke, no surprise there =) and it has been a pleasure to know her again.

Greetings. I am not dead (although I might as well be, but that's another story for another day). Semester is ending soon and I have lots of assignments due - I know too little, but just have to keep trying. Sooner or later something will come out of that persistence (scientists are the eternal optimists =) )


The other day I found myself budgeting time to cut my nails. Maybe that would explain my long silence.


Some days, my brain just feels vivisected by all the demands I'm making on it.


"Vivisected" - this reminds me of the time in university I was wondering about reading too many journal papers too soon (that particular brain metamorphosis is recorded in this blog too, early on I think) and in the end I came through it just fine. Or perhaps we will never know what we lose when we go too fast, and eternally delude ourselves that we are well ....