my home is in empty spaces.

I have done what I can but there is an inescapable fact: he will neither try to understand nor accept. Our fledgling communication is gone. At least I know his viewpoint on the matter of the ancient past now, namely, why bring it up ever again? He could not handle nor understand my hurts. So be it. He would make a terrible diplomat: how to resolve historical conflicts? Ignore them, and when they are brought up, firmly insist that they are unimportant in the larger scheme of things. Well his larger scheme of things maybe. Compromise is the order of the day, and I sought acceptance (of my opinion having worth, in future communications) as a basis for future compromise, but acceptance let alone understanding was not found.

*sigh*

That paragraph was a stream-of-consciousness series of some thoughts.

It was not even love that I sought; only a peaceful future friendship by putting to rest old ghosts. Well I still have the peace but not the friendship, and that was his choice. My peace comes from him making a choice in the first place (a difficult enough proposition if you know his behaviour on thorny issues), it does not necessarily derive from him making the choice that I wanted. So, hmmm.

Once upon a time, if his choice of situation was not to my liking, I would have screamed and cried. Now I simply indicate the response, whatever it may be, as acceptance of my original question, which is enough (from what I have learnt through bitter experience). It is a different frame of reference from before.

Am I getting old or what? =)

Subject: FW: The Rose Within

The Rose Within

A certain man planted a rose and watered it faithfully, and before it blossomed, he examined it. He saw the bud that would soon blossom-but also the thorns. And he thought, "How can any beautiful flower come from a plant burdened with so many sharp thorns?" Saddened by this thought, he neglected to water the rose, and before it was ready to bloom, it died. So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose. The God-like qualities planted in us at birth grow amid the thorns of our faults. Many of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects. We despair, thinking that nothing good can possibly come from us. We neglect to water the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realize our potential. Some people do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show it to them. One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach past the thorns and find the rose within others.This is the characteristic of love: to look at a person and, knowing his faults, recognize the nobility in his soul and help him realize that he can overcome his faults. If we show him the rose, he will conquer the thorns.

Then will he blossom, blooming forth thirty, sixty, a hundred-fold as it is given to him.

Our duty in this world is to help others by showing them their roses and not their thorns. Only then can we achieve the love we should feel for each other; only then can we bloom in our own garden.

Remember: "If we show them the rose, they will conquer the thorns!!"

~Author Unknown~

parallel-line convergence

groups of parallel lines, convergence?

the night
reaches up and swallows me whole

All right, now that the time of instant mee and interrupted sleep has passed,
what shall i do now?


should I drop an old friend whom I don't understand (enough), and who doesn't talk to me (enough)?

and who appears not to care even when I say that I cry over him....

Time
I've been passing time watching trains go by
(always heard it as 'dreams', more poignant somehow)
all of my life
lying on the sand, watching seabirds fly
wishing....

This morning, I was waiting for my soci paper to start (9 am) =p when my nutty friend-projectmate started dancing round me and trying to wake me up *laugh* she's wonderful

and this afternoon's tumour bio paper was not so bad...

but i'm still brooding

last day, woo-hoo! *grin* you'll never know what my friend did to me today.... life is extraordinarily good

the sky over here gets dark and then bright and then dark again in a single hour, with spatters of rain in between. it's very disorienting.

I have too much time on my hands to think.....

Now comparing 3 different versions of the song "gan lan shu" (olive tree)
you know the one that goes "bu yao wen wo cong na li lai, wo de gu xiang zai yuan fang"

cheers ppl

让我欢喜让我忧 - 周华健

Lyrics taken off Chinese search engine www.baidu.com

爱到尽头覆水难收
爱悠悠恨幽幽
为何要到无法挽留
才能想起你的温柔
给我关怀为我解忧
为我平添许多愁
在深夜无尽等候
独自泪流
独自忍受

多想说声我真的爱你
多想说声对不起你
你哭着说情缘已尽
难再续
难再续

就请你给我多一点点时间
再多一点点问候
不要一切都带走
就请你给我多一点点空间
再多一点点温柔
不要让我独自难受

你这样一个女人
让我欢喜让我忧
让我甘心为了你
付出我所有

A darkly sensual dancer's grace
carries fire that eclipses the moon,
and brings out all the cold starry sounds of the night skies

I was informed recently with careless condescension that I write bad poetry. I know that. To that person: I will persist in writing, to improve! xue ru ni shui xing zhou, bu jin ze tui. And anyway, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Having Protein paper tomorrow, now mugging away in Science library along with half the NUS Life Science world
exaggerations
the other half the LS world is in Med Lib

have a cheery day, is funny indeterminate cloudy weather over here. Timeless menacing storm clouds, soothing in their constancy.

=p
sm

hi,

freezing my head off in Competition Hall today

pass/fail exam

Would I fail, would I fail? Haha, heard a friend's idea recently over dinner: "You know with the Pass/Fail option, my priorities have shifted from getting A to just passing......." How true. If there were nothing to worry or wonder about, the world would probably stop...

my long-time best friend, is, as usual, my saviour
in a time of instant mee and cloudy emotions
i write her a few lines, and she comes back with a whole page =) friendship is amazing.

my thanks too to Jax a more recently-met friend but also cherished, who stayed online to keep me company through my tears yesterday. Thank you.

oh happy day

-----
Why do you persist?

For freedom,
for truth,
for peace?
For .... love???

--- Said a scornful Agent Smith, to Neo, in Matrix Revolutions

after sweeping
all the dust off my floor
i find that the grease becomes
really obvious

Solution? wipe.

*Grin*

This rant and counter-rant (and counter-counter-rant) on the Net topic is dedicated to all young people who are so completely unappreciative that they steal others' work off this unique resource and pass it off as their own

Counter-rant (Net)
Hits for "love" on Google, as of today: 114 million.

Find the meaningful one, or handful.

--------
Ah, but lazybones, it's all already there. That is the great wonder of the Net.

It finds for you, as opposed to you having to find it all yourself and being too exhausted to review your dug-up material critically.

Anyone who is old enough to remember searching all available sets of encyclopedias and still not finding enough information and weeping over that,

will realise that the Internet has in this way tremendously improved data exchange.

But there is still no answer to "what is love"....

Impact of the Net (rant)
if, 7 years ago, i wanted to know the meaning of the word "phenotype",
or "kamikaze wardance" or "love",

this is what I would have done,

7 years ago.
First, check the dictionary.
Check more dictionaries.
Get irritated with the limited dictionaries I had in the libraries accessible to me.
Read voraciously, to discover what field that word belonged to and then find a few books of the correct level to teach me what it meant.

6 years ago.
Thankfully my school then was one of the first to have Internet access.

Guess the speed? 14.4 kbps.

Bloody useless. Joys of IRC but not much more. Still at books.

5 years ago,
Speed: 28.8 kbps.
Time taken to download my school's graphics-loaded home page: forever. 'Nuff said.

4 years ago,
Speed: in my new school? slow, slow.....
At home, it was 56K, but dialup.
But who had the time to surf the Net then, with the long eternal lessons

The AltaVista search engine ruled the world over Yahoo and MSN........ and yes, those were the only three.....

3 years ago,
Major exam! More long eternal lessons and three (yes 3) mock school exams before the big one. Surfing? No time to sleep...

Broadband became available in this country.

2 yrs, 1 yr, now
Just type "love" into the great Google,

and you will get all the answers.

? *raised eyebrow*

shen1 zai4 fu2 zhong1 bu4 zhi1 fu2

(end of rant)

Ouch, let me suggest this remedy:

Try doing taichi as you study
Slow continuous motion. Plus good for heath and brain!

Fell down a short flight of steps in hostel late Wed night, while going to wash clothes.

Now it hurts to sit still, and it hurts to walk fast.

I therefore must devise a way to study while walking slowly....... *Grin* or, could magically just not ache.

to the various people who will understand this line in all its various ways: meow!

=) cheers
very sleepy

Biotech plant day.

I do have to read my assignment paper sometime, hmm.

plants don't get cancer?

cheers

Ranting irrational women, who cause themselves more trouble by being so?
Reminds me of someone very precious to me...
Well, tis wise choice you chose to keep out of it
;p

Zebrafish day

Greetings,

After being ranted at by a very unhappy woman who collects cans from the bins on campus, about 2 guys who apparently poached on her territory, simply because i was closing my eyes and taking a break nearby,

I am really tempted to write something on the sociology of work, and how the need for money and the fear of achievement conspire to bring out the cowardice in people.

If she really has a monopolistic claim on the place, she can challenge those guys directly. Otherwise, forget it, y' know?

After all, if she speaks to them directly, and they insult her, well she started the entire argument first, being insulted is a risk she has to take. And hurling loud insults at them (while asking me if I agreed) constitutes sufficient provocation to be considered as initiating a conflict. Such provocation is hardly "safe"; it might be mitigating grounds for a court case of assault by the 2 men, in the event that such occurs, though of course the assault charge would ultimately stand, with witnesses.

Need I add that with her shouting, all witnesses would have left for home as fast as possible? So if she wants a confrontation (I would think so, going by the way she was drawing attention to herself), yelling from one corner is -not- smart.

And I thought it was remarkably unprofessional of her to insult her opponents' mode of dress - is there some rule I'm not aware of that one's personal villains must look like villains? =p

Interesting case study for the day.

I love my laptop computer.... and free permanent Internet connection.... and pre-paid flat-fee electricity oh yeah...

Now madly checking forum for Protein test NMR-related info.

CBCA(CO)NH Forever!

Cheers, and a happy day to you.

不值得 - dream fm (梦飞船)
不值得
梦飞船

taken off Chinese search engine www.baidu.com

除了想你除了爱你
hu ~我什么什么都愿意
翻开日记整理心情
hu ~我真的真的想放弃
你始终没有爱过
你在敷衍我
一次一次忽略我的感受
我真的感到力不从心
无力继续
这感情不值得我犹豫
不值得我考虑
不值得我爱过你
这种回忆不值得我提起
不值得想起
不值得哭泣
这段感情早就应该放弃
早就不该让我浪费时间找奇迹
这样的你不值得我恨你
不值得我为你而坏了心情
我决定不为你而毁了心
放弃爱你
除了想你除了爱你
hu ~我什么什么都愿意
翻开日记打开心情
hu ~我真的真的想放弃
你始终没有爱过
你在敷衍我
一次一次忽略我的感受
我真的感到力不从心
无力继续
这感情不值得我犹豫
不值得我考虑
不值得我爱过你
这种回忆不值得我提起
不值得想起
不值得哭泣
这段感情早就应该放弃
早就不该让我浪费时间找奇迹
这样的你不值得我恨你
不值得我为你而坏了心情
我决定不为你而毁了心
不为你而放弃爱情
不为你而毁了心
我决定不为你而毁了心
放弃爱你

The past is what we carry with us.

The future is unknown.

But the present is Now, truly the only thing we can change.

Treasure it.

14/4/2001

"School is like a file download; no matter how darned slow we are, as long as we keep moving, eventually we'll get there". -- Me, who is now waiting for a file, and thinking about CAs.... 15/10/03 9.20 pm.

Greetings,

My first ever webpage, have a lot to learn about making this readable. =)

Not really into full-blown audience voyeurism and mental 'streaking' on the Net

Have a nice day.