my home is in empty spaces.

Kill Bill 2 was good.

Have not been online much lately cos home connection is slow and expensive. Except to do the first draft of my tremendously destructive ex-related project, and then when it's done I can sit back for half a day to consider how long I can leave it on the open Net. implications etc. It's started being available on google. Probably won't leave it there long, 2 wks for 2 years of smashed privacy, perhaps. A token.

(I'm certainly not going to leave it there for 2 years and permanently destroy his near future. Who knows, the bloke might change, and I won't wish to destroy whatever better form he might be then. Not that I'm going to stick around to find out.)

I just want it all over and done with, life-affirming activities are the ones worth living for. As I got reminded today.

And so it goes.

Exams over, much tired. packing stuff for the move back home. 5 hours to do that before I run out of time and get evicted home for the Saturday family dinner. The ironies.

*vreet* No I really have not met Alex before.

I was not going to blog today cos I have an open-book exam tomorrow, but perhaps I should clarify something.

Rape is, by one definition, "to force (another person) to submit to sex acts, especially sexual intercourse".

To answer the unspoken question of whether I was actually raped or not, the following answers, according to the above definition, all apply: yes, no, maybe. It is not as open-and-shut as the "jogger in the park" cases you might think about when you think of rape.

That is why I am not pursuing the case.

If you are not interested in any troubling details whatsoever, please stop reading at this line. Thank you very much for your time and courteous attention. Blogging service will resume shortly on Saturday. See you =)



Key questions would be:

1. Does the lack of any form of 'yes', mean 'no'?

2. Does a non-initiated-but-returned kiss on the lips -naturally- imply permission to go further?

3. Does 'no! i don't wish to have sex with you because I respect myself, we're not married, and there's the stat rape law (i thought, at that time)' before and after dates, but not having the chance to stop him from touching you during dates because his hands were moving so damned fast all the bloody time, mean 'yes'?

Even though you called him an octopus in a disapproving tone and held his hands off when you got the chance to, which was not often at all?

4. And probably the worst question of all, if you had no idea why he was behaving that way, but had still harboured hopes that you could get through to his rational self and therefore you stayed in a dangerous time-place to try and coax him out of the haze, does that mean 'yes'?

And that's that.

So I'm not angry at him for contravening my wishes because my wishes might not have been unambiguously expressed, as I said to someone else earlier this month "It could all have been a sad joke of miscommunication". All this is water under the bridge. What I am really angry at him for has been sufficiently detailed in my war challenge against him (Friday April 9th entry, this blog).

If you have continued reading up to here, well, thank you for your time and sympathy and earnest attention too. Ultimately it is pointless to consider what transpired two years ago as the basis for present-day actions. I am challenging him not because of ancient long-past events, but because of his continued present-day actions. And that has always been what I have done since last October.

More details for the very curious, on http://emailstohim.blogspot.com.

Through the courtesy and hard work of Eun the Law Great on my behalf, I am happy to say that there is -no- Singaporean statutory rape law that applies to males.

If you have not been talking to me for the past, um, 3 years?, nor reading my blog archives, you will have no idea why I am happy.

Hmm. But going by what she sent me too, apparently marital rape is not considered a crime here. That is very, very bad. Leaving aside the idea of whether a law against marital rape would actually be enforceable or not (since the oral sex law is still around and is equally (not) enforceable), why not simply have it there in the statutes anyway, as a moral objection? Rape is rape; a wedding ring can hardly protect you from it when *distressed cough* push comes to shove in your own home and your own bedroom.

Interesting.

One day I must learn how to blog when I am drunk.

Ah.

That's quite easy actually; just give me something absorbing to read for two days straight and then throw my limp body (brain still attached) into a chair in front of the comp. What you'll get will be something totally incoherent if I'm forced to not write about what I'm thinking. = the effect of being drunk.

For example, I think I'm going to read Hamlet now while pretending to study for my bioinformatics exam. And anybody who goes 'tsk' at me in a totally disapproving way, will have to explain why he thinks Hamlet's not worth as much reading time as biocomputing.

Cheers to Absolut Vodka.

Weather update: less heat, a few drizzles, mostly sun without the humidity. Wonderful.

blogger has lost my entry of this morning. i am not pleased.

shall have to type it out again, since I thought it w .... well read it and we'll see.
#


This post is for the reader's greater understanding.

What makes me cry?

This.


First example:

"Beyond them ... the women and children would be inside, the women armed with knives and daggers to defend the children should the men fall.

Men he had known all his life were being slaughtered ...."

-- Talon of the Silver Hawk, Raymond E. Feist.

Second example:

When Faramir and his band of cavalry charged the masses of orcs, in LOTR: The Two Towers (i think it was).

Third example:

When Mary took a towel to wipe Jesus' face, in Passion of the Christ.



Individual courage in the face of impossible odds. The loss of innocence, that feeling that "Things would go as they should", the 'shoulds' of one's life being subsumed into a greater and malevolent whole. Yet retaining spark and fire of one knows not the purpose anymore, and moulding that spark and fire to shine forth still in one's small life.

Knowing the things that I still stand for.

Knowing that if I look even my younger self straight in the eye and explain my actions and thoughts with honour, sometimes the idea will not take, and it is futile to pursue it only to be scourged by the standards of the other's morals.

The other's morals, I said.

"And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." -- Dune series, Frank Herbert.

------

Eh, it has changed a little from what I wrote this morning, since I don't recall that anymore.

I figured this kind of thing would be better than the "ask me any three questions you like" survey-type thing going around now.

For the record. On -his- blog, addressed directly to him.

------

Comment subject: Time's up.

You have not replied.

Challenge was posted here on April 7th, delivery of "you have an LJ comment" email should have been done. Not to mention that I sms-ed you on April 14th to inform you of the April 18th deadline. Deadline has passed, your time is up. And you have chosen neither to confess, nor negotiate. Nor even to ask for more time. You have done and said nothing.

May I ask, casually, what is the market price today for a woman's sexual integrity?

To all readers who have ever read and sympathized with his side of the story, here's the other side. To all readers who, bright-eyed with hero worship, have actually managed to find this blog and *rolls eyes* reads every single word he has written from the beginning (2001) until now, here's what your hero has been up to besides his glowing academic achievements.

After all this, you still won't prevent future damage to me by using your current discretion (I believe you did claim you have some) to lock up (as in, Private mode) all the horrendously misrepresentative and public entries regarding me?

The continued existence of those entries, I must note, directly contradicts your promise to wipe me out of your life, made in late Jan. I said I didn't trust your word then, and you assured me it would be done. Now, upon challenge refusal, I see that I was right not to believe you.

You would not own up, nor negotiate? Fine.

- SM. livejournal aeryise, homepage http://aeryise.blogspot.com

------

STORM! challenge time up.

somewhat terse.

chirp.

------

vj choir concert last fri, songs of note: kucinta, pokpok, most of the songs in the 2nd half jap special, the Spirited Away theme song.

lemme get some queer observations out before we go back to being un-queer, eh?

There were no English or Chinese songs. Er, to do this in a choir concert, your choir has to be massively entertaining in other ways, mostly technical, since the uniquely choir hang-up about singing in weird languages came on so .... strong. *whiff, faints*

and kucinta, consisting only of the two words "kucinta" and "miyao", is by default a Malay song, tah-dahh. since kucinta is a malay word, it should be sung with a Malay accent and not with a sacred music accent! That's hard because the Malay 'i' (immediately following the Malay 'c', as in 'ch' approximately) has a very characteristic forward placement. Take some time to imagine it sung in exsultate deo style, the reality of last fri's kucinta would be approximately what you are imagining. It's gross.

pokpok, vj classic by now =p , was very very good. So was the Spirited Away theme song, but that's because the movie itself brings back good memories for me. =)

sukiyaki in jap, was very smooth sailing, up till the memorable point where the solo singer went 'oh baby' in perfect westlife accent. i managed to stifle most of my giggles up till the song ended and the applause could cover my hysterical chuckles of laughter. Nonetheless one or two escaped before song end and succeeded in making my date want to laugh too. esp since he noticed the 'oh baby' as well.

oh they also did the final fantasy theme song as last song, this of note because: i cannot understand what on earth is so romantic about this girl marrying a powerful guy in full view of her beloved: said guy's subordinate who loves her back too, sleeping with her husband on her wedding night, and then tossing herself half-naked out of the bedroom window on the next morning to be promptly rescued by (of all things) a dragon. with all the wooo-wooo "crouching tiger hidden dragon I am flying through the clouds in my best flap-the-robe glory". and her subsequent sex scene with her lover which, er, was pitifully explicit. Video telecast on blank wall behind choir while the singing ppl yodelled (and smooched?) away in the darkness.

i want english songs, english songs. Not something that tells me it's fine to throw yourself out of the window after making a bad decision just because the resident fire-breathing overgrown lizard is going to rescue you out of the sudden kindness of his (or your secret beloved's) heart. Scales glinting in the sunlight, hie charge! And the Green Hornet (sorry, dragon) comes to the rescue! most likely the average person would just go "oops, splat."

------

okay, I've finished being queer.

So, forget the shard lah. Big deal. Good morning.

Shit, now I know why I forget that part of things so easily. The all-consuming love.

Because it fucking hurts to remember too that he didn't share it quite that way, and in the present day probably doesn't too, or doesn't remember. And to love alone is ........ like holding glass shards in one's hands, knowing that at some point you'll somehow forget sadly about their existence and they'll rise up to hurt you for the forgetting and say, "I'm there! I'm there!" and you, amnesiac, can only go, "Who are you? Where in my past do you come from? Do you really belong in my present? Aren't you just a glass shard??" and in so doing,

forget.

It is great to remember love. It is equally great to wish I'd never been born, in the split second before the shard cuts in deep, deeper than you ever recalled in your present cloudy fog, cuts in all the way down and you just die or wish you were dead.

In the final hours of my challenge, and in the night-filled midpoint of two exams, one this morning and one to come tomorrow, guess what I am doing?

I am reading an old friend's blog archives. Which has no relevance to anything else going on in my life now.

Surprisingly, when things got bad for her, too, she dreamt a lot in the nights, wrote self-confessed illiterate heart-torn rubbish at all odd times of the day, and went reading old friends' blogs, and reminiscing about peaceful ancient times.

Posting poetry here and there, writing some, dissing oneself for the crap one has written when reading it another day in a clearer light, ....

Nothing is a waste.

When I was younger, just a few days ago in fact =) , I thought that his infidelity rendered everything null and void, that it was the only thing (the only thing!) that had truly managed to achieve his loudly stated aim of making me forget his entire existence of past, present and future.

Reading my friend's words from her long-gone past makes me realise one thing, one sweet thing that remained and does remain no matter what - because I truly loved him, my heart grew in strength. And that memory does not fade away. It is independent of him as he really was, and to cherish it means to say, at long last, that I have done the right thing, and have done all the various right things and yet the only right thing all the way, all the everlasting at-times Godforsaken way of the past 2 years and 10 months since I met him by total lightning-charred chance.

Which was to love.

Thank you for showing up in my life and giving me that chance, to love.

Of course, that doesn't help too much now. Its use is currently limited to looking at love poems written by ppl your age and wondering, "Do they know what the hell they're talking about?" and simultaneously wondering, "Those are real, but they are half-truths." Hellfire, knowing what "sad, hopeless and terrifying" really is, dreaming of things that in objective truth were never there except for me, is worth the price of love.

MY war challenge is fair in being open to reply, and holds, until this Sunday when it will expire as time sighs over to Monday.

But I know, oddly enough, that I am not dead, and that's because of the way I once loved you. The way I love the people I truly love. The way I can hold their hands through hell like what my friends are doing for me and what my friend's friends did for her, too.

In the final hours.....
(what would you say?....)
whisper on the wind

("When thou sigh'st, thou sigh'st not wind
But sigh'st my soul away")

i remember rescue was also involved. and a fish-tank situation.

in the light of this cheery morning it genuinely amuses me how all my emotions as pertains to -him- are well summarized in last night's dream

of aluminum foil, sudden catastrophes, torture, massive death, apathy, and of course, blood (how could I miss that out). and heat-torn magma of the earth.

far better to remember the nuances of this dream than to carry an unspoken formless anguish around

may he apologize to a higher authority than me, since his actions (lack thereof, actually) indicate that he feels I am so beneath his notice. may God have mercy on him.

honestly i think yang will kill us all if we don't memorize the structures of the 20 common amino acids,
in other news i saw an unusually sullen Volkswagen Beetle in gleaming sportscar black today

hmmm, the way Acquainted with the Night phrases itself looks familiar to me.

it looks like this one?

-----

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am the thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn's rain

When you waken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

-- by Mary Elizabeth Frye (there are several versions of this)

-----

Another one it looks like is The Road Not Taken, by Frost as well.

poetry list.

ACQUAINTED WITH THE NIGHT-

I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain -- and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.
I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.
I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,
But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
O luminary clock against the sky
Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.

-Robert Frost

Today's post is on ideals.

is a quiet day

lull before the storms - dua - him, and exams.

"Ogres are like ONIONS. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Get it?" - idea from Shrek that hilarious 2001 movie. not sure about direct quote.

Further advertising of Koh Tsin Yen's love poem "One-winged Angels". Not much else speaks so eloquently of the value of love while representing it equally unashamedly as an illusion, well cherished and grounded in reality.

Sidetrack: my GP A Level chosen question: "Idealism brings disillusionment; realism brings results. Discuss."

I learned something disappointing about the DHS gep batch 4 years younger than me, today, while meeting one of them. They all hate each other except for their own cliques. And there were only 20-odd of them.

I don't know. When I was in GEP, the predominant reaction to being universally hated by all unthinking and young non-geps of the same school, was to hold yourself steady and not let your heart be broken.

If your heart was broken by that simple hatred, you would fail in your duty. Which was to eventually repay whatever you have been given in this life, as well as to seek happiness. A house divided against itself cannot stand. What hell occurs when you tell your fellow "sufferers" to f*** off in all your little lonelinesses, instead of reaching out to each other as the bedrock of your life, as friends, as fellow humans, and in so doing create something of the GEP culture that is truly good?

What is there you have built in this life, that is good?
What motivates success, but the will to leave something pure and noble of ourselves behind before we go?

"we are such stuff as dreams are made on, rounded with a little sleep." - Shakespeare, The Tempest

While I was searching for Koh Tsin Yen's poetry, I came across this: Macbeth - or how to stab kings and injure people. Funny scene-by-scene replay. Copyright unknown but probably belonging to that site owner.

This is the full war challenge I issued to -him- on his blog's most recent entry, which happened to be April 1st. I issued it on Wednesday of this week.

-----

You have a choice. Either you post full confession of your wrongdoings towards me on your blog, which is also the place where you have been blabbing freely abt me for three years and deliberately hiding that fact from me,

or you can bring ur friends (i have conditions for these ppl) and yourself f2f with me alone for war negotiations,

or I will put up on Net every single email letter I have ever written to you, as well as your full traceable details.

I will not engage further in communications with you that do not leave any permanent record. Email is fine. Blog comment is fine. f2f meeting with witnesses is fine.

You value fidelity in your lovers. So do I.
You value your privacy. So do I.
You assert your right to speak. So do I.
As with any other human, you value your sexual integrity. Listen carefully - so do I.

fidelity: Check his Nov 2001-Feb 2002 archive entries, people. This is the time we were attached. This is the time he was freely ogling other girls with great relish here.

privacy: Check any entry that has "SM" in it. Due to the circumstances in which I met him, every one of his sec sch classmates knows who this SM-initialled person is and what I look like. Some unwise comments left by some of them in his archive prove that you have been blabbing negatively about me outside of blog, even then. Luckily for you, as of now, -only- three people in my social circle can even connect your name to your face, and no one knows your full name.

right to speak: Check my March 19th comment here [note: I mean -there-, on his blog], where I said somewhere, "you deleted my comment again". All my comments don't have profanities. What do you have to hide, darling?

sexual integrity: You are much deluded if you think you can admit without apology that you had abused me sexually and expect me to let you get away with that. Plus the fact that I had to find out here by accident -on my own- that you were never faithful to me in the first place, after that intriguing confession from you, immediately after which you told me to go away, of course. without apology. without remorse. Even now, I don't see remorse -anywhere-, merely complaints about -your- pain. Congratulations.

And finally, in your words, you regarded my March 19th comment [note: again, -there-] as an "olive branch of sorts". Is it your habit to ignore olive branches then?

I am tired of being regarded as insane by you. you will learn that I make war with total mercy and full chilling sanity.

I vastly favour the first option stated, with apology of course. You have wasted all the previous free chances I have given you, over the last 7 months. Now prepare to die with great finality.

If this comment is deleted, I will know your intentions, of course. I can never rest well until I hear a public apology or until your lying ways are exposed for all to know about.

- SM. livejournal aeryise. homepage http://aeryise.blogspot.com

------

"and the whole world become toothless and blind"

comment, please.

this sounds lame, but getting shelled thoroughly and courteously by ppl ranging from friends to total strangers is my idea of a good time.

under certain conditions:
we listen to what each other has to say, we have to mutually agree (not necessarily have emotional links to, though) on some basic premises/word definitions to start and continue discussion on, and we just explore the universe with great joy.

And after it all, we will stop all shelling and "go and drink beer", as one of my profs would say.

How nice. And this is how I know my friends are friends.

I heart my friends too =p

When You Believe - Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey. from Prince of Egypt.

Many nights we've prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood

Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains
Long before we knew we could

Chorus:
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
It's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe

In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seemed like the summer birds
Too swiftly flown away

Yet now I'm standing here
My heart's so full, I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I'd say

Chorus

They don't always happen when you ask
And it's easy to give in to your fears
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see your way clear through the rain
A small, but still, resilient voice
Says help is very near

Chorus

to anyone reading this:

have you ever
ever


been stabbed so deep and so heedlessly
that without a sound you fell

without a sound the tears escaped, and won't stop flowing for hours

blood of your heart, resting
quiet in the noiseless wood.

held timelessly.

blank pools of the cursed woods.


As I demanded in sms today, face me with witnesses, you coward. Bring at least one friend as interpreter, so that I can understand what you say. Bring four if you like. Your friends will be your shield, your protection, and through them I can triangulate to deduce what exactly you are saying.

Much time has passed and I see no remorse from you -anywhere-. Do you really think you can admit w/o apology that you abused me sexually and expect me to let you get away with that?

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

T.S. Eliot -- "Little Gidding" (the last of his Four Quartets)


initially searched for this as by Emerson, got lost for a moment there.

Gargh, the nice thing about being responsible, not swearing over email, not swearing much on blog, not making ridiculous accusations or gossiping about ppl here there and everywhere, and generally being good,

is that when I need to,

I can just put my words up on any public forum for criticism, and not feel ashamed of what I wrote.

That said, I realise I have been continuously out of sorts since March 19th, and I'm back in sorts after talking a little to TS....

Those who flee into the darkness are lost.

Those who push others in are cursed.

Let eventual heavenly retribution, or, as TS puts it, cause and effect, run its course.

how easy it is to lift the flake of one's spirit away from soul, my soul. separating along fault lines, stress points.
to leave the mind and the spirit behind, only an aching heart

("When thou sigh'st, thou sigh'st not wind
But sigh'st my soul away")

that fears to be kindled again.

I want my piano, very very much.

But I have to settle for NMR.

yesterday's shopping has finally gotten to me, and I can now study happily for exams for the next two weeks.

the rest of this entry will be a perfectly ungrammatical list of yesterday's shopping trip haunts. paragraphs will not have any logical linkage, because I am still sleepy - possibly lightheaded from no lunch. it was raining most of the day but not in the evening, which severely influenced the itinerary.

Country Manna's food is really the best around for that price, all others are incomparable. Special offer ends tomorrow, go check it out.

In this order:

1. took 77 to Marina Square, where Jax my shopping partner proceeded to eat an astounding amount of lunch in KFC and I watched the rain fall outside while making idle conversation and drinking Jax's gift of root beer

2. Millenia Walk
- Harvey Norman. beds. sofas. chairs. flat-screen TVs. speakers. yum.
- Chalone ;) prices out of my budget. I am not going to repeat what Jax said when we were looking at the window display, because it was something atypically dense for someone supposedly very adept in certain aspects of life...
- this place called et cetera which sells good guy's shirts at Timberland price range <- according to Jax.
- fuzion. haha.
- wandered around

3. tried to look for connecting sheltered walkway between Suntec and Millenia, couldn't find it. managed to find shuttle bus to city hall mrt, took that.

4. drifted around Raffles City Mango, then zoomed off to find chocolate-covered coffee beans at Suntec.

5. wandered around Suntec. Daniel Yam's gowns are now satin so is wearable for any formal occasion, and look good. consider that next time.
- Topshop, where I tried a strappy bright pink top that was shoulderless, backless and very nearly frontless too, and flaunted that to Jax who promptly had a very civilized fit and then said I could consider buying it to wear at home. Prude =) . Cut's not bad, a pity about all the satin straps, I would have to safety-pin every knot I tied in order to wear it out comfortably. But if it had come with a back, I would still have bought it despite all the tying up here and there..... *grin*
- Esprit, where I bought a comfortable normal-looking black top, and Jax got an $80 red sweater that I told him made him look totally gay. but he likes it, so there, and it's very ..........er........ versatile in how it can be worn. Think zips and slow-motion stripping. I had to zip up his sweater to preserve the modesty he was flaunting for all Esprit personnel to see......
- found coffee beans in bars of chocolate at Cocoa Tree, which is where I was heading to in Suntec, but no chocolate-coated coffee beans. it seems that Science co-op does, though. surprise surprise.
- managed to find linkway to Millenia Walk from the Suntec side (it's at the Suntec basement, around the fountain.) but footsore so didn't go explore that. dinner at Country Manna. gorgeous lighting and loud conversation with families. good. saw cute male kid drinking Ribena, he's going to be stunning one day. Sure become ACS boy one.

5. walked aimlessly from Suntec down Orchard Rd, was passing by the former Westin when our mutual friend Bjorn phoned Jax, so we retreated into the hotel lobby to continue the phone call, and I learnt that Bjorn has finally discovered the beauty of tertiary alkyl halide reactions. Ended up sitting there for 45 min before leaving. which was good bcos we had each been moving for the whole day, since 10 am.

6. walked further down Orchard to Borders where we were meeting Bjorn at 10+ pm, after his class. Full house at Coffee Bean, Borders bistro, and NYDC upstairs.
- ended up hanging out at BK near Borders, where Bjorn first tasted Coke Light with Lemon and liked it
- and we saw a completely brilliant mynah bird walk into the place, saunter around the "corridors" and gather amused looks from customers, find some food on the ground, eat it, and then zoom out speedily via entrance in a straight line without missing a beat. as the crow flies, indeed. Never curse birdbrains again. You know how the BK near Borders looks like, right? It's kind of set below street level, no windows, accessible only by a single doorway. Oddly enough, this bird reminded me somehow of the cute kid we saw at Country Manna in Suntec.
- lots of idle conversation scattered here and there between me and Jax, me and Bjorn, Jax and Bjorn, blah blah

and that was that.


Lunch with Davina yesterday: I must mention my attempt at stereoscopically viewing a plastic cup +ice+straw full of Coke Light, and an opened half-empty silver can of same Coke Light. Davina was quite amused. And we gossiped. What's new? +)

+) happy to spend time with her. as always.

somehow I must find a way to wear a guy's shirt without looking les.

-chitterchatter-

What LoTR Character Are You?

You are most like Galadriel. There's just something about you that people like. A sort of aura. You're very kind to people, and you like to help others succeed. You're not as candid as most people would like. You don't have to share your deepest darkest secrets, but be more honest about things! You're more mature than most people your age, so don't worry!

----

wow =) especially when the questions were so unambiguous and easy to answer, to me. I had only one strongly preferred choice for each question.

today was a good day. a very good day. more later. gg 2 sleep now. yay someone else in the world likes Coke Light with Lemon.

apologies to ppl i have been ignoring tonight, suspected comp had a virus, so searched for, installed and ran an antivirus program. that took some time.

hi. begging your pardons. i'm going to be deliberately irritating here in the same way that -he- is on his blog. songs are such descriptive things. Ah, I see a waiter approaching me. "A cup of hemlock, please." "And that'll be $2.50, ma'am." =p

-----

I'll Never Fall In Love Again

What do you get when you fall in love?
A guy with a pin to burst your bubble
That's what you get for all your trouble.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

What do you get when you kiss a guy?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia.
After you do, he'll never phone you.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

Don't tell me what is all about,
'Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out,
Out of those chains, those chains that bind you
That is why I'm here to remind you

What do you get when you fall in love?
You get enough tears to fill an ocean
That's what you get for your devotion.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow.
So, for at least until tomorrow,
I'll never fall in love again!
I'll never fall in love again!

----

ta-dahh. I've finished being irritating.