Saturday, June 26, 2004

nonverbal! Nonverbal!

continuation of cryptic note, sorry.

After going out with Jax and LP this whole day, and talking with both of them over the course of the day,

and meeting C on Tuesday and thinking about how different that was from talking with Jax and LP,

plus that little kick of meeting everybody at D and E's concert tonight, and listening to good music that's not good music, and stoning out completely after >12 hours of being out,

something has occurred to me that I need to think more about.

A little note of reminder here. Intentionally cryptic. Too stoned to do full thinking. Another day, tomorrow. Entries on this over the course of the next few days.

Verbal and nonverbal communication. Internet. Age gap. Internet. Apocalyptic cracks of the world not being that disastrous and yet always so to some poV.
Place gap? No. Evidence: SC.

Friday, June 25, 2004

I'm a bit too lazy to type this all out in proper form, so, in its full glory, an msn transcript.

i was thinking about pink roses says:
by the way.....

i was thinking about pink roses says:
do you ever feel as if there's something out there that you cannot grasp, but it's only just barely out of reach?

null, void.. bleak.. floatin... desultory says:

null, void.. bleak.. floatin... desultory says:
but currently not now

null, void.. bleak.. floatin... desultory says:
back then in my younger days i suppose

i was thinking about pink roses says:

i was thinking about pink roses says:
i've just experienced something strange related to this

null, void.. bleak.. floatin... desultory says:

null, void.. bleak.. floatin... desultory says:
u wanna share/.

i was thinking about pink roses says:

i was thinking about pink roses says:
i think i've found what I was looking for

i was thinking about pink roses says:
it seems to be in my hands now...

i was thinking about pink roses says:
despite all weirdos' efforts to rip it away, it stays there.

i was thinking about pink roses says:
which is good. it means i've gotten it.

null, void.. bleak.. floatin... desultory says:

null, void.. bleak.. floatin... desultory says:

i was thinking about pink roses says:
but as to what it is, .... I don't really know what it is but I think I could live with it and be perfectly happy, you know what I'm getting at?

i was thinking about pink roses says:
how can i be looking for something and know i've gotten it but not know well what exactly it is?

null, void.. bleak.. floatin... desultory says:
a paradox

null, void.. bleak.. floatin... desultory says:
but as long as u r happy

null, void.. bleak.. floatin... desultory says:
tt is the most impt

i was thinking about pink roses says:
I am happy.

null, void.. bleak.. floatin... desultory says:

i was thinking about pink roses says:
think the word is, "tranquil".

i was thinking about pink roses says:
which is different from sedated, quiet, and worst of all, dead :p

null, void.. bleak.. floatin... desultory says:

null, void.. bleak.. floatin... desultory says:
peace of mind

i was thinking about pink roses says:
not exactly either.

i was thinking about pink roses says:
not exactly that either, i mean.

i was thinking about pink roses says:
a certain healthy restlessness, would be it.

null, void.. bleak.. floatin... desultory says:
hmm okie



By the way, I was so impressed by Kurt Nilsen singing U2's Beautiful Day that I went out to buy his CD. (my 2 cents' worth) But, in that CD, his voice is gravely misused as a tenor. Don't buy it if you hate squeaky tenors. Angsty in the style of Evanescence (!) but not nice when sung by a sorely overextended baritone. I'm trying not to say anything too bad here because I really like the guy when he gets down to singing in his range. Which is never, in this CD, except for the first few verses of Beautiful Day.

Zai jie zai li.

Monday, June 21, 2004

Something has been bothering me recently.

(No, not Brandon. Not his "partners in crime" either - I refer specifically to those who take his word as completely true and attack me based only on that. Um, doesn't it occur to those ppl that given the recent ample demonstration of the lengths he would go to to protect his self-interest to the cost of almost every other damn thing, his word of honour might not be something you would want to solely rely on? *blink* Rather ineffectively protecting his self-interest, too. Plus the fact that he is very unhappy with me for the fact that he doesn't know how to extricate himself from the situation (read this phrase again), despite big hints from his more level-headed blog commenters and at least one of his level-headed friends. Hah, if I had truly wanted to kill him dead like how he imagines the current situation to be, I would have done things more mercilessly.)

I was going to talk about apathy.

Two people brought it up to me recently. One, er wait both of them, were saying about how ppl in their CCAs don't give a hoot about CCA commitment, and are coasting along during normal days and desperately actively skiving off during major events which they had agreed to be involved in. Both CCAs are quite spirit-intensive by nature. My 2 people are agitated because this is an example of apathy brought to new lows.

Is it so difficult anymore to do something that brings no showy benefits, when someone doesn't step on your neck to do so? Why?

Another friend was telling me that promises are meant to be kept till broken. The thing about this vague phrase is that it makes no distinction between (1) people who try their damn best to fulfil the promise but simply for various personal reasons are inadequate to the task and therefore inform the other that said promise has to be very reluctantly broken, and (2) the people who have no intention at all of keeping that promise in the first place. And a good indication of apathy and slushy thinking is how this vague phrase is easily accepted as a good and solid mission statement of doing things. Ahem, so which way was that again? And am I going to be accused of creating elaborate delusive constructs when questioning some phrase or statement that looks like it was made only to give the maker some leeway for skiving off? How disgusting.

Yeah. Doesn't anybody know how to think well anymore? Sigh. It is a disturbing trend, when someone says, "I don't want to be poor" or "I don't want to be looked down upon" as their overriding goal in life. It may not look that way in this country now, but there are worse things in life than being poorer than your peers, or being disrespected in some quarters. Embezzlement, for example.

And always remember that although many people don't play the game, making it look like the only persons who know how to play are you and your gang, that doesn't mean that they don't know how to play. And when they play, they play for real stakes and they do it very well to the precise inch. So if you are so immersed in the game of lies and counter-lies and "who gets caught is the loser", then prepare to lose graciously when you get caught in embezzlement or whatever. That's your own rule after all, isn't it?

Get real.

There should be enough clues here to do so.

It's hard to know what to say, my life's not very interesting but I kind of like it this way, so far.

So for this entry, let me just pretend that I'm rambling on to myself...

This is possibly the most physically unhealthy time I've ever had in my life up till now. Managed to keel over yesterday morning from extreme dehydration shortly after I woke up. By the way, when you see stars, it's not a metaphor. More like flaring white starbursts, and if you squint closely you can see your hand and other supposedly nearby things through them. But why bother *evil grin*, starbursts are so entertaining especially when the head hurts like hell and you don't know if you're seeing eyeball fireworks from hunger, too much sleep, food poisoning nausea, wonky glasses, or other assorted fun incapacitations.

Apparently I terrified my entire family (this was yesterday, Father's Day, sigh) and managed to self-diagnose heatstroke after slowly going through all the other possibilities. No piece of cake when you can barely sense anything coherent.

Anyway so when I was telling Jax this recently, he laughed and said, "You mean that's the only interesting thing you've done for the past few days?"

Yeah, I have a not popularly interesting life. F*** off, all the social-ladder-climbing morons who can only admit to doing -popular- things for the sake of their popularity and not because of any other personal interest. This is not very nice but what the hell.

Aside from being physically a wet rag, this is also the emotionally and mentally strongest I've ever been in my life so far. Contradiction? yeah.

Probably comes from knowing that my own frailties can kill me and yet knowing that nothing can bring me down unless I want it to. This is probably the most pleasant contradiction I've thought of in days, but is not casual dinnertable chat. So this is what I do when I have the time. I don't really enjoy going around garnering miscellaneous social activities just for casual conversation's sake, although I do that sometimes just to get along with the rest of the human race.

Mood: snarly.

Have a pleasant and fruitful day.

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Vaya con Dios =)

Friday, June 11, 2004

Miscellaneous stuff here, not of interest to the general public.

New things I did this week:

1. Got on a bicycle again, at East Coast. Last did that in March 2001.

Happily, was at exact same point I was at when I stopped, i.e. I could get going, couldn't steer. When I told the bike rental uncle I couldn't cycle, he gave me a little start-off lesson, same one as I had heard in 2001. This time I understood it perfectly - must be the driving experience that helped. (I drive regularly. A car.) When I got going (ahem, though in a small circle *grin*) in front of the uncle, he smiled and yelled in Mandarin to my sis with me, "Who says she can't cycle? She can! She's just afraid to get cycling far, not familiar with the bike yet. :)" Got much bruised after that when hopping between the pavement and the grass in my first feeble attempts to steer properly. ;) And now I can steer better, can't go for very long distances without getting tired and therefore weaving about + threatening unsuspecting trees and eventually stopping though. Packs of other cyclists and pedestrians(?) on the cycling track still cause me to lose balance while trying to avoid them. Strangely, no problem at sharp bends provided no other cyclist or pedestrian around.

Like my sis said, "To steer, just turn the wheel. Turn the wheel! Just turn the wheel!!" This when I nearly crashed into a tree after going over a road hump, and did that again three more times. Very good, now I know exactly how well my bike brakes work - they work very well.

Seems that it's much harder to start off on a grass field than on the road, though. Make that "impossible".

2. Read Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix in one day. It was not bad.

3. Gave blood for the first time.

There used to be regular blood donation drives at my JC, and my whole class would just hop down to give blood. Um, because I fear large needles (ever since the time this weirdo nurse left a huge needle stuck in my arm for 3 min (for the immunization skin test) while going off to talk to her colleague, then came back and pushed the plunger in really hard), I didn't go with them.

However, I went with my sis today to the blood donation centre at NUH, where the care is very good she said. I wanted to go. A bit gung-ho. And guess what? For blood donation at NUH and Outram (SGH), they give you -local anaesthetic- before sticking in the needle that would lead to your blood pouch. And when did I find that out? About two seconds before they gave me the L.A.

And here I was a few years ago listening to my blood-giving friends telling me, "It's not painful!". Yeah, it's not, because they give a fricking local anaesthetic! And not because they have some especially high pain threshold. Ahahaha. If I had known about the L.A., I could have started giving blood at age 12 or something.

Ahahahahahahahaha. How stupid.

My mother tells me, though, that on the mass donation drive held at the nearby CC, there was no local anaesthetic given. So I'm not very sure whether my gung-ho friends had the L.A. or not. Zong3 er2 yan2 zhi1, the idea is, if you've always wanted to donate blood but somehow couldn't bring yourself to, then now you know about the local anaesthetic and where to get it. Yay.

In other news, I have a fairly high red cell count, and lower than normal blood pressure. this was the pre-donation testing stage where they sort of staple your finger for a blood sample.

Oh happy day, I got my vein punctured.

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

25 forever cool
My Inner Age

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By the way, would anyone reading this like to go for Davina and Edmund's 26th June concert? Order now, tickets selling fast. =)

Offline for one week now, given up reading most ppl's backlog blog entries for this time. and some blogs possibly forever.

So if there's anything major you wanna say to me (this is for ppl who think they are in the second category), please leave a comment somewhere on my recent entries page here where I can see it easily, or email me, okay? :) Thanks. I love you all ( ;) a la J Trias). Be happy.

Friday, June 04, 2004

I am going to be offline for a little while.

In fact, I have been offline since 1 June and am visiting only to clear some stuff. Have not read anything besides my email and this blog comments.

Just watched Infernal Affairs II, :) yes the one with Shawn Yue and Edison Chen. quite hard to tell those two apart, they both have slanting deep-set cheekbones and sparkly hard eyes.

Do you understand now?

P.S.: Oh wait, let me see.

"dear guys,

the a cappella group that Davina and myself established back in 01/02, Resonance, is finally having its debut performance, "Vocal Obsession", on the 26th of June. The repertoire spans a large range of genres, reflective of the incredibly diverse musical interests of our singers. The concert will be held on the 26th of June, at the NYGH Auditorium. Tickets are priced at 10 for students and 15 otherwise. Hope for your support. edmund."


Tuesday, June 01, 2004

for the fun of it.

creampuff is a restricted area. Authorised personnel only



Wow, look at this. Calvin and Hobbes' chirpy take on the world.

*softly* So much there is of beauty in the world

Laurelindorenan, they called it of old. The Woods of Lothlorien.

My father just called my sister a curry puff, a funny offshoot of my creampuff name.

Hmm, a char siew duck doesn't have a prayer among ravenous Orcs.

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