my home is in empty spaces.

I love guys who foresee my needs and cater to them automatically without even requiring me to ask them. Thought they were all extinct. =p Much stunned.

The secret to writing is to sit down and just write, as opposed to sitting down and thinking about how and what to write. Or worse, sitting down and eating popcorn. Editing can be done later when you're done with the writing bit.

I was going to write a one-word post but as usual, that doesn't capture what I've been doing for the past week, which was basically not being very happy. Nonetheless, to get it out, "Impermanence". there. Long and rambly post coming up.

Monday being the smoothest, most organised, most productive day ever since sem started, I was not my usual snippy self when I went to get my hair cut on Tuesday morning. Never, ever ask the hairdresser "what do you think" when she asks for your opinion on what you want to do with your hair. *small scowl* because for me, she turned completely deaf to all my other requests, namely, keep my hair from falling into my eyes when I lean down to read. I now have what she calls a "multi-layered cut". aka crazy panda.

Luckily from past experience I can survive with a messed-up hairstyle as long as it's short. My current look is however locked into 'formidably cool'. That means I look very strange when I half-smile, the type of smile you give to casual acquaintances.

Some other assorted things.

And so on to the next week. Poster in 12 days! Argh!

There are lots of things I could say here , but all of them fall into either the small talk (too inane to record and re-read) or the LS (too boring for most of you) category, so I'll just say: it was great meeting Lynn today and dissing the new cafe outside Med Lib. =)

Found on a leaflet, by sheer coincidence. At last I know what those lovely mumbly lyrics are.

Ubi caritas et amor
Ubi caritas et amor
Deus ibi est.

"And the reason is love."

The co-op has lots of new books now and they smell very good. I now have inspiration to hole up in the library.

By the way, I found my missing book. =)

This place will temporarily be a notice board.

Thank you for the book, dear. I will try to read it. I think it might be more helpful if we talked about how it helped you through your life situations, though, so that I can have some fond feelings for it as well. Would you have the time for that?

E. I'm sorry I didn't say anything then, because I haven't encountered such a problem before, and we were also not very close so not sure what to say that would be of use or help..... The other friend's idea of doing it through friends seems to be a good one, though.... And would you like to meet tomorrow? (before I fossilize into a LS-mugging organism. see below.)

Twacie. The exam my sis took was the gmat not the gre, I made a mistake there, very sorry. Other sources? Could try asking some of our mutual friends.

self-reminder: I have a lunch date with J on Thursday.

Semi-annual zombification during semester in progress. Think I won't be able to hold a normal conversation by Friday.

Jax. Is fossilization so bad?

cryptic note: why would she want a class rep?

Inspired by my msn conversation with N, on guys who swop dick-related stories as first choice of conversation topic when they haven't met up for a long time, even when there are girls (friends) with them, I write the following as an example of the type.

Stop snickering... It's true, okay. I really did do/think the things as described. (Just substitute "girl" with "guy" and it'll sound a tad better when in the male style.) But the storytelling style will be completely male.

*

So I met this girl lately. *pretend-shy blush* *waits for knowing look to come into guy friends' eyes* (this is the point where the girls around them know what's happening and just zone out for the duration, in self-defense)

She was so chio, I tell you. But not really my type lah; too cold. I prefer hotter ones. *telepathic nudges from guys around* Are you sure, are you sure, then why are you telling us about her huh

No lah, just that she was so uptight. I asked her whether she's Singaporean, just to keep talking to her lah *war whoops from surrounding guys* and she was like "huh what do you want? of course i'm Singaporean, idiot" Haiyah, (beng wrist-flick) only talk to her to pass the time while waiting for better girls to walk past lah.

End story.

*

For my girlfriends who are all now gagging and wondering what's wrong with me, here is the typical female storytelling style.

Oh I met this girl at the Budak Pantai concert yesterday. She's the friend of my old friend from nus a cappella (yeah, i was in it for my first year, remember). We all met up again yesterday, for dinner. Well during the concert, we ended up sitting next to each other and it was a long time before the thing actually started, so we just talked lah. And one of the last things I said before the concert started was that I asked her if she was Singaporean, and she gave me this disdainful funny look. And she said in clipped tones, "Well, don't I look Singaporean?" And I said, ":) I've found that people never look what they really are."

She subsided for a few very long moments, then said, "Does that mean I look Singaporean but you think I might not be?"

I was slightly exasperated with this answer, so I said, "Yeah" and waited. And finally she answered with great condescension, "Yeah, I'm Singaporean. Why would you ask? Are you?"

Girl, it was just a question, for goodness' sakes. I've been asked whether I'm Indonesian, Thai, Vietnamese, PRC, you name it, I've had it (but oddly enough, not Malaysian). It was in fact a very open-ended question to pass the time.

So I said, "Yes, I am." And simply left her alone after that.

*

You see a great deal more quotes and reported speech in the F style than in the M style, as well as greater emphasis on nonverbal comms and background thought processes. However I hope I have conveyed my nonchalance equally well in both F and M styles; this girl was really difficult to hang loose with. Good heavens, it's not like I was after her or something.

Can't find my Richard Feynman book. Last saw it on Sunday when I brought it out to read before meeting my JC class. Ah hell I paid >$30 for this hardback copy.

My missing book! *wails*

Someone did something very loving for me today, but at this moment I can't remember exactly what it was.

Was it my mother telling me to eat a bit of lunch this morning before I went out for a late lunch with a friend?

Was it a remark from JJ whom I somehow meet by accident once every year for four years now: "*big smile* You look different!" And me going: "Yeah, I dyed my hair :)" that change being the most minor of my physical appearance tonight.

Was it jax merrily desecrating my new tagboard? *grin*

Was it that nobody with me laughed at me after I shrieked loudly when my shoe strap broke, but instead treated it as a great adventure hunt for a shoe shop?

Or was it the simple fact that the person I had lunch with today had so many opportunities to make me really unhappy, but purposefully chose not to? Or was indeed naturally nice?

Or perhaps it was the hug from Gail and the promise extracted from me to keep in touch. =)

This morning I was going to put a half-filled notebook near the phone table as scrap paper, when I suddenly realised it was my sec 1 2 diary. *horrors*

So I read it, of course. And then threw it down the rubbish chute.

You know lower sec was almost half a lifetime ago?

And the only thing that I (now) consider truly worth remembering in that diary is that my best friend has an incredibly natural way of saving me when I need it most. I met her recently; she says it's reciprocal =)

I love you too. Don't worry about sappy stuff. We'll talk more when we meet again.

It's all bloody pointless.

Something as tenuous as a choice, separates this, from that.

Let me ask a question that is related:

What brings meaning to your life?

Is it really all those activities i.e. going out with friends, meeting new people, doing new things, doing old things you love, ...

doing?

How about simply being? To savour two seconds of constancy, and when it's been savoured, to flick it away? That is its nature. Ever seen an entrapped butterfly? Only in horror stories.


Ever created an entrapped butterfly, to watch it beat futilely before it dies caged

Who would, indeed.

I don't understand.

feel like swatting something

upset upset

On earrings and ear piercings:

Although they may be new and freshly pierced, and not ache in any way at all, I resolve not to forget that I am wearing earrings. Quite nearly ripped my right earring off today while carelessly taking off headphones in HMV.

The cashier guy and the lady behind me must have been amused to see me holding the headphones in my left hand and saying "oh oww oww!" while I was patting my right earlobe gingerly.

Happy New Year, for those of you who believe in it.

I see a lot of summaries about how 2004 went for some people.

If I can: lose 5 kg, gain back 3 kg, progress in my understanding of blogs, dye my hair, pierce my ears, learn a great deal more about labs, make friends with so many new and old ppl, do 6 modules a sem 5 of which are level 4, go to new places, and learn so very much about everything and anything, in one year,

I can probably learn how to swim this year. =)

And get a job, or funding for further studies, or both. Fall in love? Watch more movies. Start buying insurance. Spend less. Joke more.

*grin* Etc.