my home is in empty spaces.

As I'd said somewhere previously,

it's difficult to blog when you have parents looking over your shoulder and (more significantly) hollering at you to do this and that in place of blogging - really quite disruptive to thinking, I must say.

=)

Therefore the unearthly hour at which I'm awake and thinking.

-----

The reason why I take a central non-judgmental position on many things, at least initially, is so that I and the other can suss out each others' opinions and stylistic manners of speaking in a fairly easygoing environment, before proceeding to the nitty-gritty sand-throwing exercises of debate. I do so that the subsequent substantial debate would be as productive and efficient as possible for all.

I would like to make it clear that such an easily communicative initial environment is a privilege not to be abused, and hopefully when this explanation is read, it would not be belittled further either.

A sense of humour certainly makes the discussions entertaining while also bringing across the point elegantly. Unfortunately, a shared sense of humour cannot be assumed given the variety of backgrounds people have. Getting a partial consensus on the expression of humour, irony, and wit would then be an example of how establishing a basis of communication wrt stylistics is not a spineless exercise but is instead quite able to then generate fresh viewpoints of value without getting bogged down in 'you-said-this-but-meant-that-didn't-you' exercises. Other examples of stylistics playing an important role in expediting communications abound.

That's enough for now on this topic. I eagerly await future developments.

-----

In other news, my CV draft has been criticized as being too wordy. Back to the drawing board, with knife in tow to slice off excess trimmings.

=)

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Trimmings. Hmmm. That's a word I associate mostly with Thanksgiving side dishes (yes, the Internet allows my friends to blog adoringly about their poultry et al at certain times of the year). =) . At this time, my food consumption has almost doubled since vacation/unemployment began. Although most of it is tea, vegetables, and fish. But still.

I look forward to being an unrecognizable blimp come September. Cheers!

-----

Must go buy foundation one of these days. And lipstick - pinks and oranges. And blush powder.

This is impossible. HE is impossible. I rant. !! end rant.

(bit of a squib there)

It's funny how the small social things mean so much to some ppl and not at all to other ppl. I have a wide variety of friends, I see.

This is too much, I cannot bear it.

(comment: who, me? I get an exclamation mark and no reason from J. Okay, okay....)

The Music Meme, from J.

Total volume of music files on my computer:
50.2 MB on my home desktop where I am now. That's about 20 songs.
Others scattered over the various laptops I've used, unknown.

The last CD I bought was:
Encore by Sarah Brightman

Song playing right now:
The Reason by Hoobastank

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:

1. Hands to Heaven, by Breathe. Soothing melody, plus I like the line 'tonight you calm my restlessness, you relieve my sadness' - it really works for me. =)
2. Long Juan Feng, by Jay Chou. Also soothing. Good associations all round for this song.
3. Reverie, by Debussy. My grade 8 piano 3rd piece. It makes me remember ... many things. Many good things. Plus am always totally relieved that I'm past that age where I played it for my exam.
4. Liu Nian, by Faye Wong. Jax's gift to me, during the times of pain. Wailing and soulful, disturbingly chill. Vocalised my nightmares well enough that I could place some distance to deal with them.
5. Qing Tian by Jay Chou, as sung by Resonance. Because D and E are in it. The song, I mean.

Five people to whom I'm passing the baton:

No lah, I won't. As you wish.

I'm listening to the acoustic version of Long Juan Feng now, while thinking what to write. It has helped to soothe me ever since I first found it during exams, and after as I made the transition from school to home.

It's hard for me to accept that I still remember what I remember, because over time I forget that my pride and strength when I'm awake and conscious do not cross over into the realm of dreams. And then I dream again and it all reminds me.

I could blame it on the Sticky Chewy Chocolate sundae I had last night at Swensen's =) but that could scarcely account for the lingering effects into the nightmares into today. Clearly I must recall the lessons I learnt in years 3 and 4 to cripple and banish the dreams from having effects. I truly absolutely do not -like- applying such resolve lest I fall into the habit of cleanly severing all unhappy thoughts, but it must be done. *sigh* Again.

Do unhappy things, to banish unhappy things. The irony and horror.

If only in my best interest of "moving on" and nothing else more good than that.

The dreams... maybe it would help (only in this instance!) to talk about them. I dreamt I was doing something I would never willinlgy do in real life, for various reasons of honour and courtesy and personal ethics, and that I was enjoying the predicted response. In fact, that was what woke me up, the predicted response, because 1. that response would also never occur in real life, and 2. thus the basis for that prediction came from elsewhere, from something else I thought I had successfully forgotten.

And thus the morose entry about forgetting and banishment.

Yesterday was a very good day. There will be more such good days (not nights, oh please) when I have done what needs to be done.....

*somewhat terse and ill at ease*

Odd time frame of sleep 3 am - 8.30 am to cater to my 6-hourly antibiotics schedule. Only two more days of this torture.

Met up with Abey this afternoon at song practice. I begged off due to recent recovery from flu. We talked instead.

And I did not dent nor scratch the car in the multi-storey carpark. =) to be expected.

In contrast, my eldest sis still drives like a taxi driver.

Anything that is too stupid to be said is sung. - Voltaire.

cryptic note.

Why do I bother to wear formal clothes and do these heartbreaking things?!!

Because no one else would do them.

I wonder what she'll say tomorrow.

It is pretty difficult to blog when you have parents hollering at you to eat breakfast. That's what I'll miss most about school, I think - the privacy and freedom to do as I please. Which is mostly academics anyway.

So what have I been up to since my last exam ended on Tuesday afternoon? I spent an hour in the Science canteen bitching with my classmates on how awful the paper was, but unlike previous times, our hearts were not quite in it... several have found their Masters placings, some are still waiting, some are (like me) going out to look for a job. It was a peculiar thing to sit there at the red tables and know that I would never ever again have to come back to NUS if I so chose, as if the mugging pdf-carrying micropipette-holding student in me had abruptly flown away and been replaced by someone eager to get on with life. Both will live long in me, I think, and my activities now include a mix of the two.....

I'm searching for CV templates and seeking advice on how to write that and present myself, while at the same time reading ecology (hadn't touched that since year 1) and crystallography (very poorly taught this semester, I found a much better text but alas! =) too late for the exam) and a new mailing list I'd joined, courtesy of an acquaintance of an acquaintance who has since become a friend I'd like to think.

Well to continue with the chronological description, after bitching in the Science canteen, I went to the Istana for the former President's wake. That didn't take as long as I'd thought because it being the middle of a hot afternoon, there weren't hordes of people waiting outside. Then I went to get Tracy's present (citrine stones on gold) at the Heeren and got sucked into HMV =) where my music find of the year was first seen. Sarah Brightman - Encore, (whistle down the wind is beautiful!) and I got that.

Met JK for dinner. I've seen JK a few times since then so won't bother to record this, especially since I was more brain-dead than I'd realised and JK generally doesn't feel comfortable with brain-dead people although he manages well.

Confined myself to my local neighbourhood on Wednesday. Slept till late, watched Kingdom of Heaven which was a thoughtful summer flick (oxymoron? not.). I'd only wanted to see what O. Bloom looked like without the chiobu golden tresses and elf ears, but got much more than I'd bargained for =p .

On Thursday I went back to school to catch up on email and proofread my friend's Masters thesis in peace. Went up to Sci Lib to borrow ecology books. Had a merry time chatting on MSN, my conversation with Selene being somewhat more memorable than I'd expected. Had a peaceful dinner and long talk with my classmate HM, who is now happily slacking before starting his Masters in July.

Then it was Thursday night and I hadn't any plans for the next day except to continue proofreading. Lo and behold, my schedule for Friday filled up fast with people who wanted to see me. =) Since a lot of people I wanted to see on Friday were the ones I really liked, I woke up early and got a haircut (after 1.5 mths or so since the last one), felt much better after it, and went forth to see Twacie darling, my palm tree, and ahem a night of drunken non-debauchery. All in all I must say that Twacie promised to send me her resumes as templates (yes?), my palm tree expressed great concern about my lack of direction in life and gave me extraordinarily palm-tree-like advice thereby illustrating why I had a crush on him once upon a time, and I reached the meeting place for drunken non-debauchery in a thoughtful state.

J., I actually met Leon, 1980, from your uni. He was stunned that the world is small. Ahhh.

Said drunken non-debauchery was quite fun because there were a lot of people there I didn't previously know but who are the kind of people I'd like to hang out with. (censored). Oh, and the ---- Moon Song was absurdly hilarious too.

Saturday was Saturday. I drove to school to clear out the stuff from my locker and return my trusty wireless LAN card to the Sci Lib. Went home and concussed all the way until a phone call from JK woke me up. Apparently I was supposed to meet him in an hour's time and he had msged me three hours before without reply (yes, because I was dead to the world). Jazz. Dance. Leonard. Six-step??? Drizzling rain. Yeah.

Cryptic note.

Proof of concept successful. Jazz Cove fun.

Moving on to clearer things, J writes about the feeling of coming back. That's a complex issue I have to think about before blogging - can't write in my current haze. Oh well.

Congratulations on going to Harvard, you know who you are. May you have a bright future.

It occurs to me that ST Online might not be running Dr Wee Kim Wee's obituaries, so here they are:

An extraordinary man of great warmth and an inspiration to all - SMU.

An honorable man, of great integrity and a big heart, who led by example. - Singapore Totalisator Board

... Nothing can dim the light you had radiated in life - Tsao Foundation.

Truly.

Whoa, it's done.

done.

done.

Our former President Mr Wee Kim Wee has passed away after a 1-month relapse of prostate cancer. He was a sweet and caring man, a great man. I mourn his loss.

More details will no doubt be forthcoming in the official news sources.

Since I reserve my more scandalous opinions and thoughts for in-person meetings or msn, I here come up with yet another frivolous entry.

I wonder what it is about some semi-rich "upper-class" families in Singapore, that they can teach their sons to spontaneously say to their dates that the lady has bad fashion sense? And to very helpfully give unwanted tips on how to look better. And to actually repeat these things when the lady gracefully changes the topic. Lo, how grievously wounded they are when the lady eventually snarls at them.

Some things can be thought and not said, or thought and said extremely diplomatically.