my home is in empty spaces.

Is it just me, or does anyone else get irritated when guys bemoan their single state with great angst, and three days later blog incredibly horny entries about having met and got together with their dream Significant Other? It makes you wonder just what happened, which in turn is just too pornographic for words. *snarls*

They just can't be dependably angsty, can they?

This is the purrrfect time to blog - 1. lunchtime before a long weekend, where hardly any work goes on, 2. the day after I got an unexpected hug from a friend, who then loitered with me for nearly an hour at City Hall watching people walk happy walks, 3. on Friday!

My constituency is contested. Yay for democracy!

Things to monitor:

1. The state of my earholes. Pair of earrings yesterday was too heavy and sliced through nearly half my ear. =) It sounds worse than it really is.
2. Further education. That SW one leh.
3. The state of future employment.

Things to note:

1. Replenish colleague's coffee stocks which I keep borrowing.
2. (this just now) Not to swear at people who call during lunchtime EXPECTING to be attended to immediately "because lunchtime is 12 to 1 what, now is after 1". Only in your companies, darlings.
3. To stop window-shopping for earrings when I don't know my present collection well enough to not buy similar ones.
4. To be happy that it is a sunny day.

Okay, that's it.

I am a pawn who has gotten out of the game, and it is astonishing to see the number of people who suddenly will not play with me. Play me, rather.

You know what this is about. It seems that I have priorities that are not particularly realistic. Then again, if I were realistic, I would be dead now and save myself all the trouble of spending each day pursuing what I have to do, endlessly.

Yesterday my sister accepted a hug from me while washing dishes, and in all typical tender sisterly fashion smiled and then said, "Don't sneeze on me".

=) Heheheh.

| disenchanted says:
sigh
+17042006 says:
why dear?
| disenchanted says:
there are people in the world who do not live to be kind
| disenchanted says:
how sad
+17042006 says:
they have their reasons to be in that state perhaps. Until one understands their predicaments that cause them to be unkind...oh wel|... life. shrugz
| disenchanted says:
uhhh
| disenchanted says:
there are some people who really really live for other things
| disenchanted says:
like, their profession
| disenchanted says:
it's quite disturbing
+17042006 says:
their passion perhaps. it would be disturbing if it is an extreme case.
| disenchanted says:
"extreme case"
+17042006 says:
work work work, nth else but that. ( with regards to ur profession example)
| disenchanted says:
it's not that there's nothing else
| disenchanted says:
except that they apply the principles of their work to all aspects of their lives
| disenchanted says:
say, a research scientist demanding that his children be on the ball for their work 24/7
| disenchanted says:
and then without balancing that advice out with advice to be a good person 24/7 too
| disenchanted says:
for example
| disenchanted says:
like that
| disenchanted says:
so that, say, if people discuss the rapid increase in crime rate as being linked to not being a good person, this scientist won't care beyond the point where he'd pressure the police to do their work
| disenchanted says:
he won't consider the social and educational aspects, the economic aspects it makes a very poor life
| disenchanted says:
in terms of thinking, that is
+17042006 says:
alright. it is a sad thing in some sense, but i would say that the person is also stupid
| disenchanted says:
yeah, but he might not think so, and neither might a lot of people who only see him in his profession
+17042006 says:
ahh. but stiLL a profession doesnt determine one's character.
| disenchanted says:
but some think so
| disenchanted says:
in fact, the whole singapore plan as dictated by the govt caters specifically to cultivate such idiots

Something I received in email from Jiayi, a couple of days ago.

BALANCE OF LIFE
(Take some time to read it, all of us can relate to it somehow)


Mary and Susan have been friends for years. They grew
up together and attended the same schools. They are
now both in their 40's, and both have great careers.
They both have a similar upbringing - same education,
same family values, similar support and financial position.

But there was one main difference.

Mary never seemed to have enough time. She watched her
life long friend Susan. She had similar
responsibilities and interests. Susan
had a career, she had three children, and she had her
hobbies, one of which included golf.

Over lunch, Susan was telling Mary about the golf game
that she played last weekend. "Susan, where do you
find the time to play golf?" asked Mary. "I never seem
to have the time, now with the children older and
doing their own thing I thought I would have time to
play golf like we
did when we were in college."

Susan looked at Mary and laughed,
"Mary, we both have the same hours in a day. You do have the
time to play golf!"

With a sigh Mary replied, "That's easy for you to say.
I never seem to have time. My work takes so much of my
time. I am in the office at 7:30; I leave at 6:30 in
the evening.

By the time I get home and have dinner, it is 8:00!
And then I usually have a briefcase full of work. The
weekends are full of more work. Just to keep up, I
have to put in the hours. You know what it is like!"

"Of course, I know what it is like," Susan said. "But
what would happen tomorrow if you got sick? Who
would do the work?"

"Sick. Who has time to get sick!" exclaimed Mary. "But
if I did get sick, someone else would do the work, I
suppose."

"You know something, Mary; I used to be like you. I
worked night and day and of course on weekends. When I
got home I was exhausted but I would push myself and
read my children a bedtime story. By the time I went
to bed, I would be more than exhausted. The boss I had
was very demanding. She was there early in the
morning, late at night, and she always worked
weekends.

I felt I had to do the same - I needed the job to help
support my family -just as you did. But then I had a
change of bosses. The man I worked for was older and
much wiser, I might add! Of course, I continued to
work the hours I had been working.

One day he came to my desk and passed me a card that
had a quote on it which said, 'What I do today is
important, because I will never have today again' -
and then he left.

I sat there stunned. I suddenly thought of what was
important to me.

While my work was important, I realised my children
were more important. I also realised that time for me
was important. It was 4:30, the official closing time
of the office. I straightened my desk, felt a twinge
of guilt about leaving, but I forced myself to leave.

I was home by 5:00. My children and husband were
surprised. I had a wonderful evening. It was not a
chore to read that bedtime story that evening."

Mary was looking at her friend thoughtfully and then
questioned Susan about the work she had left on her
desk. Susan replied, "I never thought this possible,
but I actually accomplished more the next day than I
had in weeks. As I was leaving the next day I stopped
at my new boss's office and thanked him for the quote.

He told me a story about advice his dad had given him
many years ago when he was working night and day. He
referred to it as 'Balance of Life'.

His dad told him to keep balance in his work, in his
family life and in time for himself. He explained to
me, while all aspects of our life are important,
without a balance, you become addicted and like all
addictions you lose:

No balance with your family - you lose them

No balance with your work - you lose your perspective
and you actually lose focus on the
important aspects of your job.

No balance with yourself - you forget who you are and
when you retire you have nothing! Or worse than that,
if you lose your job through a company sale or
downsizing you lose your identity.

He went on to tell me that who we are is NOT what we
do to make a living.

Who we are is a balance of our family, our work,
ourselves! It truly was the best advice I ever
received."

Mary took a drink of her tea and tearfully looked at
her friend, "But I would never get my work done if I
left at 4:30!" Susan looked thoughtfully at her, "When
you go to work on Monday

1. Look at what you have on your desk
2. Make a list of everything you have to get done
3. And beside that list write the impact of not doing it
4. Then focus only on the top three items that
have the most impact.
5. Do that everyday for a week.

At first, you will find it difficult to leave. But,
after awhile, you will find that you will have more
energy, and you will be more focused in your work
because you have BALANCE! There are times when we have
to lose balance- a special project at work, or a
family matter at home but consciously focusing on
balance keeps everything in check."

Mary smiled at her friend, "Thanks for talking with
me. We have been friends for so long. Thank heavens I
have balance with our friendship!
You have convinced me. I will leave the work in my
briefcase this weekend.

On Monday, I will make the list first thing. Perhaps
next weekend, I will have the time to go golfing with
you!"

"Balance of Life" - important for us ALL!

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and
start realising that there are many things about
yourself that you didn't know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will
be in a year or two, but then get scared because you
barely know where you are now.

You start realising that people are selfish and that,
maybe, those friends that you thought you were so
close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have
ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are
some of the most important ones.

What you don't recognise is that they are realising
that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or
insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to
what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are
looking for a job and realising that you are going to
have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what
others are doing and find yourself judging more than
usual because suddenly you realise that you have
certain boundaries in your life and are constantly
adding things to your list of what is acceptable and
what isn't.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next,
secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of
your life. You feel alone and scared and confused.
Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on
to the past with dear life, but soon realise that the
past is drifting
further and further away, and there is nothing to do
but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you
loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed
and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough
that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love
someone but love someone else too and cannot figure
out why you are doing this because you know that you
aren't a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look
cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts
to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and
questions over and over, and talk with your friends
about the same topics because you cannot seem to make
a
decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a
life for yourself... and while winning the race would
be great, right now you'd
just like to be a contender!

What you may not realise is that everyone reading this
relates to it.

We are in our best of times and our worst of times,
trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing
out.

Send this to your twenty-something friends...maybe it
will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their
state of confusion.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to
keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

Also note this: Paved with Good Intentions http://singaporedreaming.com/?q=node/6

'One should listen to lady friends when they rant.'

We follow this rule too, you know. What's your issue with it? *g*

Right, enough of this. It isn't good when even I get stunned by the vitriol on my blog when I dropped by all unwary some days ago.

As usual, I've been doing the usual - ahemming, more fiddling with Excel, blog-surfing. Gotten round to looking at insurance, and being informed that the quotation I received from my agent was horrendously overpriced. No surprise there though, since it was for an investment-linked policy.

Finally gotten back to reading instead of spending all my free time scrounging about trying to meet you-know-who. Met up with Joce on Thursday night; she's doing well, though some things in her life could be improved, she says.

Slept nearly round the clock since Thursday night.

Anyone here keen to tell me what kind of insurance they have, and from where? I'm looking at critical illness and hospitalization & surgery now.... and wondering what else I need to get.

I'm also wondering how to make Singapore a better place for gays - you don't think about it, until you walk along in the MRT station doing something perfectly normal one day and suddenly a thought pops into your head, what if, I couldn't do this just because I was gay, and the people didn't care, and the government threw me away just like that *snaps fingers* only for that? How horribly cruel that would be. Horribly unnecessarily cruel. Just for not being in line.

You disappoint me. I just gotta say that for my own satisfaction.

I'm very angry right now. This is a rant. You have been warned.

On Friday, I waited for a reply to an SMS I sent on Wednesday afternoon regarding time-and-venue arrangements for Friday dinner that had been agreed earlier on Wednesday. And waited and waited. SMSed another friend to ask, "Is this the right number? XXXXXXXX?" She said yes. And waited and waited. And finally finally in the middle of Friday afternoon got a "I'm on MC have fever, sorry can't meet" message.

But Friday night turned out to be good cos I got to meet a bunch of old friends for dinner and a movie =D

Friday late night was the pits. In the cab on the way home, I smsed a buddy to ask if he was still working. He smsed back that he was drinking and wanted to kill himself. I rediverted the cab to go to where he was. Except that the dick didn't want to tell me where exactly he was. I made a fruitless search while cursing myself for my stupidity at looking for someone who, although immobilized by drinking, was drinking in a densely populated part of Singapore. I called home to say I'd be spending the night at my sister's place, which is around that area, then went back to her place and waited up a little to see if he'd sms me again. Which he did.

Let me tell you what the dick said. He said, "Don't come here and make a melodramatic scene. You're so pathetic, you won't be doing this if you were really attractive." Amongst other things.

I'm not the fucker who said he wanted to kill himself, remember?? The irony.

And, you miserable friendless fucker, you don't even know that when anyone whom I even remotely care for says they wanna kill themselves, it's considered a major red alert. And what does my attractiveness have to do with this?!

So I slept, then woke up on Saturday morning. Took the bus home where I got reamed out by my dad who refused to believe I was not crashed out somewhere drunk the previous night. The irony deepens. Informed by sister that dad went mad as usual and started throwing things away, things that I needed. Did some household chores to cool down and then went out again as planned earlier in the week to relax with a friend. Got home at 12+ which is much earlier than I usually get home when going out, because I was too annoyed to face another skanky shouting match with the dad.

Now, tonight, I find that I have lost my security pass.

And the dad says he has not seen it.

I am sure that it was still with me after I went on the mad hunt for said insane pseudo-suicidal ex-friend. After that, everything blurs.

Perhaps it is in the office. Although it is unlikely.

*Sulks*

Update Monday April 10 2006, 7.45 am: I found my security pass in the office, in my jacket pocket. Yay! =)

Thank you for being so clear.

So. very. clear about your priorities pertaining to me. In vino veritas, indeed.

You have not asked the right questions, either. But! the difference is that I'd always wanted the answers, whereas you don't want anything beyond the bottom of a bottle.

Die. Be my guest.

You go through all the instinctive motions of living -

Die faster. Quickly.


And I will weep at your funeral. Tears of weariness, that you never let yourself shed. Until they poisoned you.

This is the time of day where most people who are still awake are either doing something really special, or pondering.

I'm doing neither. I'm in a warm afterglow state of "hey, I think I just finished something, for real, but I'm a bit too high and dazed to run back and check that it's fully done". Usually, things like this end up being more than a little undone the next morning, but I think this one is really done this time.

All zapped out and safely at home. =)

Gosh, XY, I miss you.

Inside Man had good plot, good acting by some and fair acting by others, and a pace that was too slow. Pretty good for our purposes though, KD and N. =)

V for Vendetta - quite the fable of our time.

"Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V."

This introduction doesn't do it any good - like a schoolboy on a rant, it is. But, when enunciated with vim and verve, -and- wit, it begins a most enchanting story. Come away with me, now....

It's nice to know that my favourite delinquent toy boy was not a murderer of pigeons, as briefly alluded to.